I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
