You really coming over, don't trick.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Life is so much better after having sex.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
