you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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