"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
