I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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