Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
