In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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