I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
