At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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