walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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