just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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