I'm so fucking centered right now
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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