Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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