do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
