I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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