I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
White coat. Heels.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
