Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
