You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
