dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
