he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
