It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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