awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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