I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
