i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
