Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
