she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
