i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Can Purell be used as lube?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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