dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
