A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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