Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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