My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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