I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
