you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
