JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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