if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
