You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I am never drinking with the goths again.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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