i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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