If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I think my moral compass just broke
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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