i barfeds in our rink
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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