hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
