what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
