Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
