The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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