Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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