the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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