i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
