I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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