my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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