Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
People in love make me want to vomit
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
