the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
