turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
