Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
