I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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