He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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