seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
