I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
