that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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