if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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