Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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