She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Dear god my vagina.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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