Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
