she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
