I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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