I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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