Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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