bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
