so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
