Me too!
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
