I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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