38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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