you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
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