Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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