Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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