Say something about gay babies.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
