Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
