Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
