I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
