areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Everclear isn't food dammit
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
