My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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