Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
