i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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