my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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