So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
