he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
