Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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