do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
We named our party play list daddy issues
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
